Pleasure Is Part of Health — Not a Reward for Being Good
Let’s say it clearly: pleasure is not a luxury. It’s not a treat. It’s not something you earn by working hard enough, being nice enough, or getting everything else done first.
Pleasure is part of health.
Just like hydration. Just like movement. Just like sleep. Your body needs it. Not just for fun — for function. For regulation. For recovery. For resilience. Yet most people walk through life acting like pleasure has to be justified. Like we have to prove our worth before we’re allowed to enjoy anything.
This belief system is harmful. And for many, especially those raised as girls or taught to be caregivers, it runs deep.
The Myth of Earned Pleasure
Many of us learned that pleasure only comes after productivity. You get to relax after the dishes are done. You get to orgasm after your partner is satisfied. You get to take a break after you've proven yourself useful.
It creates a loop: perform, produce, then maybe you can feel good. But by the time you get to "maybe," your body is too tired or disconnected to access pleasure at all.
This isn't just about sex. It's about everything. Letting yourself take a nap. Enjoying good food. Wearing something soft on your skin just because it feels nice. All of this can become a site of self-punishment if you've been conditioned to think pleasure is extra.
It isn’t. Pleasure is foundational.
What Happens When We Deprive Ourselves
When we treat pleasure as optional, we train our bodies not to expect it. We ignore cues. We override desire. We start living in a state of chronic tension, holding our breath until we "deserve" to exhale.
Over time, this erodes connection. Not just with others, but with ourselves. Our capacity to feel diminishes. Our ability to rest, to soften, to be curious in the moment — all of that narrows. We become efficient but numb.
This shows up everywhere: in relationships, in health, in mental clarity. You can’t override your system forever without consequences. Pleasure isn’t optional. It’s vital.
Making Pleasure a Daily Practice
So how do we reclaim pleasure as a form of health?
Start by unhooking it from performance. Give yourself access to sensation without tying it to a result. Let something feel good because it feels good.
You don’t need to earn:
A hot bath
An orgasm
Time alone
A slow walk
Good food
Soft fabric
Mutual touch
These are not rewards. They are nourishment.
Let your body have what it needs. Often, that starts with very small permission. Sit for a few minutes without being productive. Let your hands move over your own body without needing to "go somewhere." Eat what tastes good. Touch what feels good. Breathe into the part of you that always wants to wait until the work is done, and remind it: this is the work.
Erotic Pleasure Is Especially Important
Sexual pleasure isn’t extra. It’s not something frivolous or adolescent. It’s a powerful form of nervous system regulation, hormonal balance, and relational connection. Whether you're solo or partnered, erotic pleasure brings you into contact with your own body in real time. It anchors you in sensation, in breath, in presence.
When sex is approached through the lens of performance or "earning," it loses that power. But when it's rooted in mutual curiosity and authentic sensation, it becomes health-promoting.
Let yourself feel good. Not because you've done enough. But because you are enough. Right now. As you are.
The Bigger Picture
Reclaiming pleasure as health isn’t just personal. It’s political. Systems of oppression rely on people disconnecting from their bodies. They rely on exhaustion, shame, and disembodiment. A regulated, nourished person is harder to control. A person who knows they’re allowed to feel good is harder to manipulate.
This isn’t about indulgence. It’s about dignity. It’s about reclaiming the body as a place worth caring for, even — especially — when the world tries to convince you otherwise.
Let pleasure be part of your daily health practice. Let it be part of your resistance.