You’re Not Broken. You’re Unpracticed. Let’s Begin.

If you’ve ever thought, "I should be better at this by now" or "Why does everyone else seem to know how to feel pleasure but me?" — you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken.

You’re unpracticed. And that is a very different thing.

The Myth of Sexual Competence

Most of us never got real sex education. We got porn, silence, shame, and maybe a few anatomy diagrams. We didn’t learn how to feel our own bodies, how to say yes without pressure, or how to stay present with someone else. We learned how to fake it. How to rush. How to check out.

So when your body doesn’t respond the way you think it "should," or you feel awkward instead of turned on, or you lose your voice in the middle of a moment — that’s not dysfunction. That’s a lack of practice.

What Practice Actually Looks Like

Practice doesn’t mean trying harder. It means getting curious. It means building new habits of awareness, sensation, and honesty. Here are some examples:

• Practice noticing tension before you respond to touch

• Practice saying, "I’m not sure yet" instead of pretending to be ready

• Practice tracking what feels good without chasing orgasm

• Practice pausing when something feels off, even if you said yes already

You wouldn’t expect to play the piano perfectly the first time you sit down. Embodied sex is the same. It takes time, repetition, and kindness.

Skill, Not Shame

Every lover you admire learned through practice. Every confident body started awkward. No one is born knowing how to stay present in the face of vulnerability. It’s a skill.

And skills can be learned.

Instead of asking, "What’s wrong with me?" try asking, "What haven’t I practiced yet?"

Start Small. Stay Honest.

You don’t have to dive into deep intimacy right away. You can start by feeling your own breath. By touching your own skin with kindness. By noticing when you brace or flinch. That’s all practice. That’s all progress.

The only thing you need to begin is permission.

I’ll say it again:

You’re not broken. You’re unpracticed. Let’s begin.