We all want to be known. To be seen without having to explain. To be touched in just the right way without having to give directions. It is a beautiful longing. But it can also become a trap.

Your partner is not a mind reader. And that is not a flaw. That is human.

Most of Us Were Never Taught How to Talk About Sex

Many of us were taught how to perform sex before we ever learned how to talk about it. We were shown what it should look like, what we were supposed to want, what others expected of us. But no one handed us the tools to say, Here is what I actually feel. Here is what I need. Here is what does not work for me.

So we stay quiet. Or we drop hints. Or we wait, silently hoping our partner will just know. When they do not, we feel hurt, or rejected, or angry. They must not care. We must be too much. It must not be worth trying.

But what if the truth is simpler? What if they just do not know yet, because you have not told them?

Start by Listening to Yourself

Erotic communication begins inside. Before you can tell someone what you want, you have to give yourself permission to feel it. That means slowing down enough to notice your yes and your no. It means tuning into your body and asking, What would feel good right now? What kind of touch makes me soften? What kind of pressure makes me tense?

It is okay if you do not have full answers. You can start with curiosity. You can say, I want to explore this with you. I am still learning too.

Use Simple, Kind Language

You do not need the perfect words. You do not need to be poetic or articulate or confident. You just need to speak from your body.

Try phrases like:

I love when you touch me like this. Can we do more of that?
I am curious about trying something new, but I feel nervous.
Can I show you what I mean with my hand?
When you move faster, I feel myself shut down. Can we pause for a second?

The goal is not to critique. It is to connect. You are not correcting your partner. You are letting them in.

Learn to Receive Feedback with Love

This part is just as important. Erotic communication is not just about speaking your truth. It is also about being able to hear your partner’s truth without shutting down.

If your partner says, That does not feel good for me, it is not a rejection of you. It is an invitation to deepen trust. If they say, I want something different, that does not mean you are failing. It means they feel safe enough to be honest.

You can respond with:

Thank you for telling me.
That is new for me, but I want to understand.
I might need a little time to sit with that. Can we talk more later?

Staying open, even when it feels vulnerable, is how intimacy grows.

Talk Outside the Bedroom Too

It is easier to have these conversations when you are not in the middle of a sexual moment. Try talking on a walk. Or over coffee. Or while washing dishes. Choose a time when you both feel calm, connected, and unhurried.

You can share memories of things that felt good. You can create shared language for what you like. You can even make a yes, maybe, no list together. Make it playful. Make it curious. Let it evolve.

Communication Is an Ongoing Practice

No one gets this perfect. You will fumble. You will say too much or not enough. That is okay. What matters is the willingness to try. To be honest. To stay in conversation.

When you speak your needs and hear theirs with love, you build something stronger than fantasy. You build real connection. Real safety. Real joy.

And that is what makes sex feel truly alive.

With love,
Nina

Your Partner Isn’t a Mind Reader: Erotic Communication Basics