Oral Sex with Enthusiasm: How to Love It, Give It, and Ask for It

Emotional, energetic, and practical guidance for all genders

Let’s talk about oral sex, shall we?

Not just doing it. Not just receiving it. But loving it. And I mean the kind of love that shows up in your eyes, your voice, your energy. Not just in your mouth or your hands or how long you can hold your breath.

Oral sex is one of the most intimate, emotional, and energetically charged ways to connect with another person. It is also one of the most misunderstood. A lot of people think it is about performance, skill, or dominance. But real oral sex, the kind that leaves you glowing afterward, starts somewhere deeper.

It starts with generosity. With presence. With a full-body yes.

How to Love Giving Oral

Let’s start here. You do not have to love giving oral sex. That is not a requirement for being a good lover or a generous partner. But if you are curious about it, if a part of you wants to enjoy it more, then we have something to work with.

The first thing is to check in with your reasons. Some people love the power. Some love the closeness. Some love how their partner sounds or moves or melts under their tongue. Some are just natural nurturers and enjoy making someone feel adored. All of these are good reasons.

If you feel hesitation, that is also worth exploring. Do you feel pressure to perform? Were you ever rushed, judged, or made to feel uncomfortable? Do you have concerns around taste, scent, or body image? These are not silly. These are real. And they deserve your attention, not your shame.

Loving to give oral is about shifting the mindset from obligation to offering. You are not just servicing someone. You are engaging with a living, breathing, feeling body. You are communicating care. You are playing. You are tending. You are showing up with your whole self.

If you are someone who gets distracted or tense while giving, try slowing down. Breathe through your nose. Take breaks. Look up and make eye contact. Make little sounds. Let it be less about perfect moves and more about enjoying the moment together.

And please, for the love of pleasure, use your hands too.

How to Love Receiving Oral

Now this one surprises people. You would think everyone would be thrilled to receive, right? But no. Plenty of people feel shy, frozen, or uncomfortable when someone goes down on them.

Why? Because receiving oral requires trust. It requires softening. You have to let someone witness you, touch you, and tune in to your pleasure without shrinking or pretending.

If that is hard for you, I see you. Many of us were not taught how to receive well. We were taught to give, to be polite, to stay small. Receiving is a muscle, and it can be built slowly, with patience.

To start loving it, try this. Before sex, say out loud that you want to be touched there. Let your body hear your own desire. Then during oral, instead of lying there trying to be quiet or not take too long, try saying what feels good. Try breathing more deeply. Try moving toward the sensation instead of away from it.

And please do not fake it. Your body deserves the real thing.

If it helps, remind yourself that your partner likely wants to please you. Most people giving oral are not suffering. They are probably thrilled to be between your legs. Let that in. Let it feed your confidence.

You are not a burden. You are a buffet.

How to Ask for Oral

Asking can feel so vulnerable. Even for people who have been having sex for decades. But if you want to normalize oral sex, you have to normalize asking for it.

Start small and clear. You can say things like:

• I would love it if you kissed me down there.

• Can I show you what I like with your mouth?

• Would you be into trying some oral with me tonight?

You are not demanding. You are inviting. That is a huge difference.

You can also talk about it outside of the bedroom. That takes the pressure off. You can say something while cooking dinner or on a walk. Keep it playful. Let it be part of your sexual culture as a couple or a connection. And if you are not in a couple, even better. You get to set the tone from the beginning.

The Heart of It All

Whether you are giving or receiving or learning how to love both, oral sex is about more than technique. It is about presence. It is about slowing down. It is about feeling safe and curious and fully alive in your body.

You deserve oral sex that feels good, that feels mutual, that feels kind. You deserve to feel wanted and seen and delicious.

You deserve to be licked like a poem and kissed like a promise.

And if no one has told you that before, let me be the first.

Now go hydrate, grab your favorite lube or flavored balm, and remember. Mouths are for more than words. They are for worship.